


Restless Nights

by kawaiikanai



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3676188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaiikanai/pseuds/kawaiikanai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan can’t sleep without Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Restless Nights

Dan rubs his eye with the back of his hand, fighting off the sleep that wants to overtake him. He knows he should give in, it’s already three in the morning, but he doesn’t want to. He keeps on scrolling through Tumblr, thinking of random tags to look up and reblog. He’s refreshed YouTube roughly 50 times, hoping one of his subscriptions will have a late night upload for him to watch or a good suggested video on the main page.

His eyes grow heavier, even closing once but when his chin hits his chest he springs back up, shaking his head furiously and rubbing his eyes yet again. He doesn’t want to sleep. If he could he’d never sleep again. He’s afraid of what awaits him behind his eyelids, sneaking around in the darkness of his mind, itching to pounce into his imagination and grow and feed on his fears. He’s tired of going to bed at a reasonable time only to be woken up in a mess of sweaty sheets and panicked breath.

So, he forces himself to stay awake, by any means necessary. He usually plays Guild Wars or Skyrim to keep himself involved and alert, but none of his games seem appealing to him tonight. He’s over played them a bit. He thought he’d catch up on all the videos he’s been backed up on, but it took a lot less time than he thought. Now he’s stuck with nothing to do and nothing to keep him from slipping into his comfy covers.

He realizes his fingers have stopped their scrolling and he’s begun to space out again and he makes himself sit up more, sighing and shutting off his laptop. He gets up out of bed and stretches, his legs stiff from his usual blogging position and makes his way to the kitchen. Maybe moving about and getting a boredom snack will help him.

He gets to the kitchen, miraculously remembering to open the kitchen door before running into it, and searches around the fridge. He squints his eyes, shutting them tightly then popping them open. The tiredness is really getting to him, the contents of the fridge seeming blurred together. He closes it and instead grabs a cookie off the counter, raising it to his mouth as he turns to leave but he doesn’t take a bite. He stops, seeing the figure in the doorway. “Phil, you’re home.”

Phil stares at him, unmoving. He’d made it. He knew he could stay up until Phil got home, then he could go to sleep. If he tried to sleep without the feeling of Phil lying next to him or at least with the knowledge that Phil was somewhere in their home safe he’d have awful dreams. They were always so ridiculous, things that he knows won’t happen, but all the same they toyed with his mind and made him think what if?

“I missed you.” Dan says calmly, feeling the relief flowing over him. Just seeing Phil before him makes everything right in the world. “You must be tired, let’s go to bed.”

Phil shakes his head, still being quiet. Dan takes a step closer, reaching to touch Phil’s arm. He feels really cold and his skin looks even paler than usual, if that’s even possible. “Phil, are you feeling ok?” Dan looks over his face, Phil’s eyes staring blankly ahead, beyond Dan and at nothing. “Are you sick?”

Phil opens his mouth to answer but instead of words a deep red liquid flows over his lips and down his chin. Dan gasps, clasping his hand over his mouth as he represses a scream. “Phil?! What happened? What’s wrong?” His eyes scan over Phil’s body, trying to find any sign of where he might be hurt.

Phil finally looks at Dan, his eyes icy cold and distant. Phil’s hand quickly grabs his in desperation and moves his mouth to talk but he only succeeds in making gurgling noises. “Oh God, Phil hang on, I’m calling A & E.” Dan reaches to his pocket for his phone but he’s left it back in his room. “Phil, I have- Oh my God!” As if out of nowhere a knife has appeared in Phil’s chest, the blade directly in Phil’s heart. Dan tries to speak again but it’s as if all words have been snatched from his throat. He wants to make himself run past Phil and grab his phone and dial for help, but he can’t move either. Why can’t he move? He’s stood there like an idiot while Phil is dying and he can’t do a damn thing. He’s so useless.

Tears brim over his eyes and all he can do is fall to his knees, choking back his own sobs as he helplessly watches Phil die. He wants to shout to Phil to hang on, to shout to the neighbors for help, hell, to just scream at nothing. He wants to scream so badly but he can’t because his voice has been silenced and it’s all he has. It’s the only thing he has in life that people give a damn about is when he talks and says things that other people find important and he no longer has that. He buries his face in his hands, unable to see the sight before him anymore. He doesn’t want to be here anymore.

Dan sits up with a gasp, laptop sliding off his legs. He holds his chest, trying to catch his breath and figure out where he is. He’s back in his room, his bright screen still showing his Tumblr dash.

“Dan?” He jumps, just now noticing the person sitting beside him on the edge of the bed. “Are you ok?”

“Phil.” Dan reaches out to him hesitantly, afraid he’ll be another mirage. His fingers feel the fabric of his shirt and he knows that Phil really is home now, safe and sound. He holds his arms out and Phil embraces him without question, Dan burying his nose in Phil’s shoulder and breathing in his sent. He should have known right away that what he just saw was a dream. One of his stupid nightmares that feeds the what if monsters in his head and makes him worry that one day Phil may not come home. He’s knows it’s stupid, but he has no control over them.

“You’re a sweaty mess,” Phil leans back, fingers brushes Dan’s wavy, unkempt hair off of his sticky forehead. “were you having another nightmare?”

Dan looks away, shutting down his laptop and shoving it to the side. He hates admitting to his nightmares. He’s too old to be afraid of things that go bump in the night, but when your brain doesn’t want to shut up and every little noise you hear means ghosts or robbers to you it’s hard not to be scared.

“Dan, look at me.” Phil turns Dan’s chin towards him and Dan meets his eyes, much warmer and loving than the ones in his dream. “It’s ok. I know it’s hard for you to sleep by yourself.”

“I just hate not knowing where you are and if you’re ok.” He says, biting his lip. He hates how clingy he sounds, but it’s the truth.

“I know. That’s why I always let you know if I’ll be late coming home or something.” Phil motions for Dan to scoot over and after shedding his jeans and shirt Phil joins him under the duvet, Dan banishing his laptop to the floor so he can get comfortable next to Phil. This is where he feels the best, with Phil’s heat next to him and knowing that everything is ok. When they’re apart, all sorts of things could happen to either of them and it’d be the end of everything. The end of them.

“I know I shouldn’t be so paranoid…” Dan grabs Phil’s hands, clasping them between his.

“You can’t help it, it’s just the way you are.” Phil assures, “It just means you care a lot about me and you want me to be safe.”

Dan nods, scooting a little closer, their knees bumping. Phil takes back one of his hands to wrap his arm around Dan, squeezing him tight. “I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t promise, though.” Dan feels the anxiousness rising again, “You can’t control the world and what accidents or events that will happen to you.”

Phil sighs, his fingers tracing up and down Dan’s spine, soothing him. “I can however promise that as long as I’m alive I will be with you and I’ll always come home to you.”

Dan nods again, swallowing hard. “I know that.”

“Then try to focus on those thoughts while we’re apart. Focus on all the things we can do once we’re together again, not on the thought of if we’re separated. I know it’s hard, but you can do it. You’re so much stronger than what you give yourself credit for.”

He knows Phil is right. He’s always known that his outlandish worries are for nothing. He needs to stop letting them take ahold of him and start focusing on good thoughts. It’s hard to just snap to good thoughts and get rid of bad ones, but with practice he can catch himself worrying and straighten himself up. Staying up late every night and depriving himself of much needed sleep isn’t good for him. “I’ll try.”

“Good.” Phil places a kiss on Dan’s forehead, “Let’s get some sleep, ok?” Dan agrees and snuggles into Phil, finally letting sleep take him with no worries of his inner monsters running rampant; not with Phil here by his side.


End file.
